recently, i watched a video about parasocial relationships in east asia. the concept revolves around our natural tendency to form connections with people we regularly see — something left over from caveman days, when bonding with tribe members was vital for survival. nowadays, with the internet everywhere, we can follow basically anyone online, creating endless opportunities to form bonds with people who’ll never even know we exist.
this new reality has significantly shifted how we form our worldviews. discussions about how tv, the internet, and social media distort our perceptions have been around forever. let’s make this idea more concrete by talking about youtube. like many, i find myself frequently invested in various youtubers — respecting some, admiring others, or simply having opinions about them. some inspire me. however, not everyone can carve out a space on youtube.
the two criteria
becoming a successful youtuber boils down to meeting two main criteria. of course, these simplify reality, but they illustrate my point pretty well.
firstly, you need to genuinely enjoy creating content — particularly videos. this already rules out the vast majority of people worldwide. few have the drive to create something and then share it publicly. even fewer choose videos as their creative medium. this means that despite the diverse backgrounds of successful youtubers and their various niches, they share a crucial similarity: an enthusiasm for creating videos and putting themselves out there. this single trait, although just one aspect of their personality, forms a common thread among them.
secondly, your content needs to be successful enough to appear on viewers’ homepages. the exact formula for achieving this success remains elusive, despite all the discussion about “hacking the algorithm.” luck undoubtedly plays a big part, alongside a certain “magic.” this magic includes vague factors like cultural relevance and attractiveness — not necessarily physical appeal, but an allure that hooks viewers.
so out of the relatively few people interested in creating videos (criterion one), only a small fraction will ever manage to clear this second hurdle of widespread success.
what this leads to
these two criteria don’t just apply to youtube — they can apply to any media or platform where a large audience consumes content created by a small group. we naturally enjoy observing others because it feels safe. it gives the impression that those people have things figured out, and it saves us from making similar decisions ourselves. following other people’s lives and stories lets us learn indirectly, without having to risk making mistakes ourselves.
realizing this — especially for people deeply immersed in the digital world (aka chronically online people) — can significantly change how we view others and the assumptions we make about them. everyone obviously knows that far more people exist beyond our screens. but i feel there isn’t enough emphasis on the fact that there are also way more types of people out there than we see online. anyone appearing regularly on your screen already fits into the small subset of people inclined to create content publicly. this group simply doesn’t represent the wider population.
denial
this can be tough to accept, because we naturally try to relate closely to people we see online. we want to believe they’re just like us:
he’s just like me fr
this makes me hesitant to trust someone who’s chronically online to accurately judge the people they meet in real life. depending on your lifestyle, this might not matter much in today’s world. but for me, it’s an important reminder to maintain a healthy balance — not just connecting with people on screens, but also with real people in my everyday life.